What Jane Fonda Can Teach Us About Sex At Any Age
Can you believe this woman is 77 years old? Jane Fonda blew everyone else out of the water at the Grammy Awards earlier this year in a green Balmain jumpsuit.
She’ll be 78 in December but she keeps proving that she’s the sexiest 70-something dame around – and she’s been talking up her sex life with her music-producer partner of five years Richard Perry as well.
During an interview reported in the New York and London papers she credited Perry – who she announced last year has Parkinson’s disease – with showing her what “true intimacy” is like.
At 74, the three-times married Oscar winner said her sex life had never been better. More recently she told an Italian TV show “I’m 77 – if I never have sex again I would be sad but I’d be OK”
The Best Is Yet To Come
The exercise guru who is still the best walking promotion for her own keep-fit product said in a W magazine cover story in May that she “wanted to give a cultural face to older women.”
She’s the best possible example of the maxim that your best years may still be ahead – and that includes even your sex life apparently – as greater emotional maturity creates a foundation for quality sex in ways that are completely different from youthful exuberance.
Indeed Fonda has said that although she was promiscuous when she was younger, and was “coerced” into notorious group sex by first husband Roger Vadim through fear of losing him, she feels “totally secure” with Richard for the first time in her life. “Often, when we make love, I see him as he was 30 years ago.”
You Don’t Have To Look Like A Hollywood Star
If you’ve still got some unrealised hopes and dreams for better sex, it’s comforting to realise adults-only sex can be as good if not better as what you enjoyed when you were younger.
And thankfully you don’t need to look like Jane Fonda to make it happen. You benefit from emotional experience which hopefully has helped you adopt a “What You See Is What You Get” attitude. And with the confidence and experience of maturity you can adapt your love making style to your changing body needs.
We’ve gone to the experts for quality sex tips to ensure you get the best out of your sex life at any age.
Quality Sex Tip No 1
Be willing to change and adapt
The biggest challenge at any age is maintaining a sexy frame of mind and not allowing daily life to steal away your fun and spontaneity, suggests Dr Joel D Block (Sex Over 50, Penguin). Be willing to adapt to changed needs:
- Physical change may mean sexual response is slower, but couples who enjoy quality sex understand they can spend more time in erotic touching and sex play
- Sex may be slower – and sex sessions longer – than when younger
- Sex may be more fulfilling for both partners
- Use your hands and mouth more, focus on sensate pleasure
- Make changes to more comfortable sex positions
Quality Sex Tip No 2
Don’t confuse genital performance with good loving
Sexual performance is not the key to quality sex, and men can get too erection-focused and miss this point. Quality sex comes from a great relationship, says sex therapist Dr Bernie Zilbergeld (Sex & Love at Midlife, (Crown House Publishing.)
If you invest in building the relationship, quality sex will follow:
- Give time with partner high priority
- Engage in affectionate touching at any time, not just when you want sex
- Listen to one another
- Do fun new things together
Sydney sex therapist Bettina Ardnt (What Men Want – in Bed, Melbourne University Press) reports women resented their husbands getting erectile dysfunction treatment because it put the emphasis on the erection not on the whole sexual experience. One woman complained her husband had begun to enjoy foreplay because he needed more stimulation to get an erection – until he got a pill and reverted to sex with no foreplay.
Quality Sex Tip No 3
Understand quality sex doesn’t “just happen”
Couples who enjoy quality sex put a high priority on maintaining active sex; they plan for sex, and they expect sex to be regular and fun, says sex therapist Dr Joel D Block.
To do that you need to:
- Make a date for sex
- Plan to have sex somewhere new
- Choose to make sex a priority
- Give yourself lots of time for sex
True sexual intimacy depends on a lot of skills, “the most crucial being the ability to relax and have fun together,” says Sherry Suib Cohen, (Secrets of a Very Good Marriage, Penguin.)
Quality Sex Tip No 4
Don’t be discouraged by pub talk and porn
Watching porn and listening to mates boasting in the pub can give totally false ideas about “normal sex.” You don’t need three hours in the sack and simultaneous orgasms to have quality sex.
In fact men and woman have pretty similar ideas about how long an ideal sex session will last – and 7 to 13 minutes is a “desirable” time, according to a Pennsylvania State University. Most adults considered three to seven minutes “adequate.”
And that’s just as well, because a national survey of Aussie sex habits found more than half of Australian men last only two minutes before orgasm.
The two-minute statistic throws an interesting light of truth on the YouTube Heinz speedy soup ad, which features a couple having nookie for a mere two minutes – all the time needed for the woman’s soup to heat up.
Porn gives men the idea women are always wet and wanting, and every sex act climaxes in mutual orgasm, says therapist Michael Castleman (Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex)
He suggests it’s important to understand porn is “like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.”
Quality Sex Tip No 5
Try new sex positions
Don’t be discouraged by physical changes that may mean you can’t have sex like you used to – adapt and enjoy, suggest the experts.
Male superior (missionary) or female superior (woman on top) are the most physically and psychologically arousing sex positions, says sex therapist Dr Barbara Keesling (Men in Bed Penguin)
But older lovers may find limitations due to erectile dysfunction or other health issues make these positions difficult. That’s no reason to give up on quality sex.
Dr Keesling suggests the butterfly position (a variation of missionary) is best for men with erection issues, or delayed ejaculation, or with a small penis because “it delivers great orgasms and gives the man more control because he doesn’t have to support his weight with his arms.”
The woman lies on her back, tilts her pelvis and puts her legs as far back as she can without feeling uncomfortable. (Putting a pillow under her hips can help.)
The man kneels between her legs so that he doesn’t have to support his weight with his arms and inserts his penis.
The benefits of the butterfly sex position for quality sex are:
- Allows penis to penetrate deeper and better stimulate vagina to orgasm
- Gives man greater control – he can use his penis to switch back and forth between internal strokes and stimulating his partner’s clitoris.
- Male partner can use his hands to alternate between intercourse and masturbation if he is having a difficult time maintaining an erection or being able to ejaculate
- Allows intimate eye contact and kissing if the man leans forward
Herbal Ignite for Quality Sex
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