Valentine’s Day Survival Tips

Single, and intimidated by the thought of another looming Valentine’s Day? Not to worry. Let our resident relationship and lifestyle expert guide you through these potentially choppy waters, with these pearls of wisdom adapted from various Valentine’s Day blogs.

Valentine’s Day Survival Tips

#1 Send flowers to yourself at work. Make it a dozen red roses; it’s worth the expense, it’ll fool absolutely everyone in the workplace. Except you.

#2 Invent a fake boyfriend/girlfriend. Give them an exotic name: that way when friends/family/co-workers ask (for the nth time) why they haven’t met them yet, you can tell them it’s because they’re off overseas volunteering for Red Cross’s specialist shoes for crippled orphans program—because they just can’t help it, bless their tender compassionate hearts, they’re just sooo giving (unlike a few of the stories you keep hearing about some people’s partners!).

And then naturally you’d much rather all those crippled orphans had a chance to walk again than go out for some overpriced dinner on an obligatory Valentine’s day date. That’s just the sort of person you are.

#3 Always remember, you don’t need to define yourself by your relationship status; just because almost everyone else around you inevitably will, doesn’t mean you have to as well.

#4 And then remember Valentine’s day is just a shallow over-commercialised holiday anyway. Just think of all that money you’re saving! You could probably splurge for a fifth cat.

#5 For the three days leading up to V-Day, each morning stand up straight before your mirror, chanting, “every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” Experts say delusion is so contagious these days you can even catch it off yourself.

#6 Ladies/Men’s Night In. And why not gather a few of your single friends together, for a night of stalwart resistance against ridiculous social pressures? Misery loves company.  Enough said.

#7 If you’re single and don’t want to be, start planning now on how to turn your life around, attract a partner. Take up yoga. Volunteer in your local community. Take up Art. Start therapy. Make meaning. Act to change the world. Just keep busy. Some say, ‘it is into the fullest lives that romance most easily falls’. This is a great idea to focus on. Basically, the more you can keep your mind off the harsh reality of your life the better.

#8 Build a deep moat and castle walls around your house by the 13th. Hire trained archers to patrol the battlements, with orders to shoot-to-kill any approaching rosy-faced cherubic infants with wings. Just be sure to clarify that ‘with wings’ criteria…

#9 Life-size blow-up dolls are highly underrated. During the course of the night transport an appropriately-dressed doll around your house through all the vital ‘stations’ of a Valentine’s date; candle-lit dinner table; living room with the rom-com playing; bedroom. So long as lights are dim it’s sure to fool nosy neighbours.

#10 And finally, as one advice columnist suggests:

stop looking for love. And start singing for it instead! Head to your local Karaoke bar, and belt your heart out instead of coddling it. After all, ‘You don’t find love; it finds you!’

Well. It can’t hurt your chances too much, surely…

 

 

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