A woman with low libido and a very busy life may regard sex as just another chore. But there are plenty of good reasons for enjoying a healthy sex life.

• Being sexually active is great for your health – it reduces blood pressure, boosts immunity, keep pelvic floor muscles in good condition, helps you feel relaxed, is good for heart and lungs, increases estrogen levels improving skin and genital health, and may even extend your life by triggering important hormones.
• Sex creates intimacy and emotional closeness, and provides skin on skin contact (a basic human need)
• Sex affirms your desirability and increases well being
• Sex pleases your partner and creates good will in the relationship
• Sex releases stress and tension
• Sex expresses love and affection
• Sex gives and receives pleasure

Just remember some important facts surrounding women’s sexuality:

• Women in long term relationships with low desire are tempted to give up sex altogether, however regular sex has many benefits for both partners in improving health and well being and increasing overall happiness.

• Refusal to have sex in a long term relationship is a “breach of contract” and likely to lead to the breakdown of the partnership.

• There is a big difference between desire and arousal. Desire (or libido) refers to your interest in sex, while arousal refers to your body’s physical response, such as vaginal lubrication or the ability to have an erection.

• Sex can be enjoyable for women even if she does not feel desire. Provided a woman is fully willing and there is good will in the relationship, sex can be enjoyable even when she doesn’t feel desire.

• Goodwill in a relationship is built up by both partners being willing to contribute to enjoyable sex for one another.  That means the man being willing to make changes to keep his partner satisfied – whether that is in terms of the wider relationship (working less hours, taking more relaxation together) or in sexual technique (listening to what turns his partner on.)

• To overcome desire discrepancy, it’s not up to women to make all the concessions and do all the changing. A man can do a great deal to increase her inclination to have sex by working to enrich the relationship, maximise her pleasure during sex and actively participating in sexual negotiation.

Says Sydney sex therapist Dr Rosie King (author of Where Did My Libido Go?) the simplest advice for men wanting to re-start the sexual fire is “don’t try and make her want sex; make her want you.” That speaks volumes about companionship and intimacy.

It became clear as the conversation continued that she suspected her husband was using low libido as an excuse to refuse to have sex on some occasions, while coming on strong when it suited him.

She wanted the definitive answer: if a man had low libido did that mean he couldn’t get an erection. And if he could, did that mean he didn’t have low libido?

The conversation terminated abruptly – the impression was the man under discussion had entered the room – and so the caller never stayed long enough to get the answer she probably didn’t want to hear – that it’s just not that simple.

Most men with lack of libido can achieve erections, but have lost the desire to have sex.

Out-of-Sync:  Feelings and Physical Arousal

Sex therapist David Schnarch Ph D. says physical arousal and subjective arousal do not always occur hand-in-hand. You can be obviously physically aroused, but not feel that way. And conversely, you can feel a strong sense of desire, but find your body is not responding.

Says Dr Schnarch in Resurrecting Sex (Harper Collins) “Subjective arousal has to do with what you’re feeling (or not) about what your body’s doing. Sexual desire has more to do with your interest in engaging in sexual behaviour. Low desire is always relative to other factors – age, sex, health and life context.  Low desire generally shows up as persistent lack of sexual fantasies and disinterest in sexual activity.”

David Schnarch notes men are just as likely to experience low desire problems as women – between a third and a half depending on which research you believe – but men are loathe to report it.

Low Libido Second Most Common Men’s Problem

Low libido is the second most common sexual dysfunction in men after premature ejaculation according to a recent issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. And a loss of “mojo,” as film character Austin Powers would put it, is also very difficult for men to discuss, despite the help available from health professionals.

“Impotence and loss of libido are two very separate things,” says Richard Milsten, M.D., a New Jersey-based urologist and coauthor of “The Sexual Male” (W.W. Norton and Company).

“However, men who experience impotence commonly experience a decrease in libido over time,” he adds. When libido drops and impotence is not a problem, there are numerous factors a doctor might suspect as the cause.

While any illness can decrease sex drive, some conditions, such as thyroid disease, tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) and depression, are directly linked to low libido, says Dr Milsten.

Low Libido Relationship Problems

Desire problems drain intimacy and good feelings from the relationship.

One in five married couples has a non-sexual marriage (being sexual less than ten times a year). Three in ten non-married-couples who have been together longer than two years have a non-sexual relationship.

As the woman caller mentioned at the start indicated, if a man reports low libido his partner often feels rejected and suspects it is just her he doesn’t desire. That can lead to a lack of trust and further emotional conflicts.

Are there any medicines for low sexual desire?

Drugs for ED such as Cialis, Levitra and Viagra have no effect on sexual desire – only on erections. Raising testosterone levels, either through injection, patch or herbs like tribulus terrestris, can help. And a number of other herbal remedies that have reported good results in stimulating men’s desire, including horny goat weed, tongkat ali, and muira puama.

Read more about these herbs and natural sex enhancer Herbal Ignite at www.herbalignite.com.