Seven Ways to Beat Bedroom Boredom
If you’ve been married so long your sex life is on auto pilot – or worse still practically non-existent – don’t give up just yet.
Making it easy to say “yes” to sex is not as hard as you think it might be, if you’ve got wise advice from someone like leading sex expert Dr Rosie King.
In her book Good Loving Great Sex she outlines just how to get your love life back on track. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon to find couples who have been together a few years and find that even if they feel they love someone, they don’t feel “in love” any more.
The marital bed has become a penance and a bore for many wives who see sex as one more chore they are expected to perform in the interests of peace and harmony.
And we all know that’s no way to enjoy sex or feel motivated to continue doing it.
So here are seven tips we’ve gleaned from Dr King and a number of other relationship experts on how to beat boredom in the bedroom.
Tip No 1 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Broaden Your Sexual Repertoire
Intercourse is an enjoyable sexual activity but if it’s the only thing on the menu you will soon lose your appetite, says Dr King.
A sexual repertoire may include sensual activities like having a bath or shower together, holding hands, hugging fully clothed, whispering sweet nothings, sensual thrills – ice, feathers, food, music, candles, candles, incense, silk, leather and satin and swimming naked. And that’s just a small selection of her extensive list of suggestions in Good Loving Great Sex.
Says dating expert Ken Solin in the Huffington Post: “If your sex life is on auto-pilot, that may mean you’re not being fully present when you’re making love with your partner. The same foreplay, position and orgasms are boring after a while.
“While it does require some amount of thought, it’s helpful to try to make love at least a little differently each time. Change the foreplay menu. Avoid monotony by making love in new positions. The words ‘boring’ and ‘sex’ don’t ever belong in the same sentence.”
Tip No 2 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Maintain Mystery – No Open Bathroom Doors
The movie This is 40 may have shown Leslie Mann chatting with her husband Paul Rudd while he was on the toilet, but – really – your partner doesn’t need to see you in the bathroom, or even cutting your toenails, no matter how close you two are. Leave a little mystery in the relationship and reap the rewards in the bedroom.
And that also means maintaining some dignity and privacy. Don’t pluck your nose hairs in front of him, and if you borrow his razor for lady grooming return it before he knows. Don’t flaunt stained underwear and try not to fart during sex.
Tip No 3 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Wear Something Nice To Bed
It might seem frivolous but how you feel about yourself is going to make a huge difference in how you respond to intimacy. If you have a poor body image or suppress pleasurable thoughts, fantasies or sensual responses, you’ll find it harder to step out of your mundane world and get lost in your senses. You’re doing this as much for yourself as your partner or spouse. Having something silky and sensual to wear to bed is a pleasure even without any sex. Better still, sleep naked like Marilyn Monroe, clothed just in Chanel No 5 – or some other favourite perfume.
Huffington Post senior editor Shelley Emling confesses to the lazy little habit of wearing sweats all the time to bed. She notes: “Bad idea! You want to have more sex? Go to bed wearing the same kind of sexy lingerie you used to wear when you were dating. Or, better yet, wear your birthday suit. And get ready to have some fun.”
Tip No 4 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Check On Your Medications
Medications that are prescribed for stroke issues and heart issues can have devastating effects on sexual functioning,” explains Dr. Janice Epp of the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. In addition, researchers have found that a family of antidepressants known as Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) can take the wind right out of your sails. These drugs include brand names such as Prozac, Zoloft and Paxil.
Beta Blockers for high blood pressure and Non Steroidal Anti Inflammatories (NSAIDs) for arthritis and joint pain can have a similar unwanted side effect.
If you suspect a medication you are on is affecting your sex drive or your erectile performance discuss it with your doctor, and ask for an alternative med that won’t have the same dampening effect.
Tip No 5 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Don’t Assume Sex Has To Be Spontaneous
The assumption that sex has to be spontaneous if it’s going to be pleasurable is one of the biggest problems for many couples who have been married for longer than a few years, suggests Dr King in her book Where Did My Libido Go?
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that couples who maintain a passionate sex life plan for it… it doesn’t “just happen.” They deliberately set aside time for intimacy apart from the other demands of daily life, and they decide ahead of time that they will give and receive pleasure.
Dr King suggests many women find their libido is slower to respond once the “infatuation” stage of the relationship is over – but that does not mean if they say “Yes” and go with the flow that they won’t find the experience pleasurable.
Along the same lines, Ken Solin suggests it’s a mistake to ask your partner if they would like to make love. His advice is to “grab your partner, take your partner in your arms and kiss him or her deeply, without breaking away, until whether or not to have sex isn’t the question … But whether on the sofa, the bed, a chair or the floor is the question,” he said.
Tip No 6 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Don’t Allow the Phone, TV or Kids To Interrupt
Don’t just silence your phone. Leave it — and your computer — in the kitchen. You don’t need them. And don’t go to bed with the news on. Nothing kills the mood faster than the latest tragedy in the Middle East. A few years back, researchers released a study showing that couples who have a TV in their bedroom have sex half as often as those who don’t.
Tip No 7 To Beat Bedroom Boredom
Boost Your Libido with Herbs and Gels
There’s no shame in resorting to an herbal supplement to give your sex drive a boost or to an intimate gel to enhance lubrication, is you feel in need of a bit of support. Many women find their libido affected by hormonal changes, and men commonly notice a decline in erectile function as they age. Traditional medicine has offered natural therapies to address the balance for centuries, and herbs like damiana, horny goat weed and tribulus terrestris enjoy a strong reputation as effective for enhancing sexual health. Herbal ignite for Men and Ignite for Women are both popular products for enhancing sexual health.
Likewise, if your body is not lubricating as well as it once did there is a range of intimate gels like Ignite Intimate Gel available to help. We suggest selecting a water based gel with a minimum or chemical additives to minimise the possibility of irritation.