Listening to sad music helps you get over a break-up, according to new research which debunks the idea you should “buck yourself up” with upbeat music or funny movies.
People experiencing relationship problems are more likely to prefer sad music or tear-jerker movies because they more accurately reflect their own negative mood, according a University of California study.
Researcher Stephen Palmer says people who are experiencing heartbreak “look for a surrogate” to replace the broken bond, according to the Daily Mail.

Mirroring Our Mood
“Like a sympathetic friend, music, movies, paintings, or novels that are compatible with our current mood and feelings are more appreciated when we experience broken or failing relationships.’

Previous research claimed that people in a negative mood prefer pleasant, positive experiences such as cheerful music or comedy films to counter their negative feelings.In another study, the volunteers were asked to recall experiences involving loss.

Personal Not Impersonal Loss
Preference for sad music was significantly higher when they had experienced the break-up of a personal relationship than when they had an impersonal loss, like losing a competition.

The research appears in the Journal of Consumer Research.

Mr Lee Grant – the pop singer who enjoyed 15 minutes of fame before disappearing off to London in the late 60s – is about to marry for the first time at age 68.

And one of his best-men-to-be, Peter Grattan, is more than a little miffed that when he tried to drum up media interest in the event he was rebuffed. “NOOOO …. Too old!!!!” We’re wondering – is it time for the baby boom generation to realise it’s not about them any more?

The former Mr Lee – he resumed his Polish birth name of Bogdan Kominowski when he moved to the UK in the late 60s – is still working.

Keira Knightley Movie
His most recent appearance was in the latest Kenneth Branagh-directed Jack Ryan movie starring Chris Pine, Kevin Costner and Keira Knightley says Grattan, but the NZ media weren’t interested.

Bogdan is marrying Jo, his partner of 20 years.

Musician and TV producer Grattan made a frustrated Facebook post: “It’s a good time to remember our past greats, Mr Lee Grant getting married for the first time at 68 to a gorgeous 49 year old in London next week, first time for both, star-studded wedding . . . do you think any of our TV, magazines or papers are interested?

“Even tho he was just in a film with Keira Knightley directed by Kenneth Branagh and was asked to join The Hollies 10 years ago??? NOOO, too old! Ageism is the new racism in New Zealand!!!,”

Entertaining for 40 Years
Mr Lee Grant was briefly a household name through his appearances in the C’Mon TV series before disappearing off to London, where he’s worked for the last 40 years.

He appeared in some big London stage shows, scored a part in the James Bond movie A View To Kill, and through the 80s and 90s got small parts in TV shows like Brushstrokes and The Bill.

He certainly looks like he’s enjoyed an amazing life after particularly inauspicious beginnings. He was born in a Polish Nazi concentration camp in April 1945. His father died in the camp but his mother survived and moved to New Zealand when Bogdan was three years old.

A photo taken at an Autographica show in 2010 shows him looking hale and hearty and we certainly wish him and Jo a wonderful wedding day. We can understand though why it might not rate much of a mention in current media. Maybe it’s time the baby boomers realised its time to move over and make room for the coming generations?

What Do You Think?
What do you think? Is someone getting married for the first time at 68 newsworthy? Even if they were a flash-in-the-pan pop singer in the 60s?

Mention the phrase ‘sensual lingerie’, and no prizes for guessing what images it’ll conjure up. Slinky, silky, lacy little numbers, modelled by some airbrushed girl doing her best to look oh-so-very sultry and alluring.

But it’s an all-together different kettle of fish comes to mind when you mention sexy lingerie for men<!

Lacy Knickers…. for Men?
Underwear entrepreneurs HommeMystere aim to change all that however, with their new range of lingerie tailored specifically for men.

So. What exactly is so-called lingerie for men, anyway? Bras, Panties and G-Strings? Teddies, Stockings and Hosiery? Camisoles and Negligees?

Well. Yes, apparently. HommeMystere’s male lingerie range seems to more or less mirror existing women’s lingerie styles and options, almost exhaustively. Right down to materials, fabric choices and prints. Don’t expect to see any humorous boxer prints or monster trucks here!

All of which perhaps begs the obvious question: how is all this ‘lingerie for men’ different from regular, ordinary women’s lingerie, exactly?

Superior Quality Men’s Lingerie
It’s not, particularly. The company asserts their male lingerie is tailored for the male form, but other than that, you’d be hard pressed to spot any obvious points of difference. So why exactly would men want to wear these garments? The company appears to heavily be pushing the luxury and comfort angle as an explanation.

Indeed, HommeMystere’s website promises only the highest quality male lingerie, made with:

“care, attention to detail, and… fits your body perfectly. Comfortable men’s panties that really do fit, bra straps that don’t fall off the shoulder, teddies that don’t ‘ride up’ half way through the night, and quality soft fabrics that feel great for all day wear.”

Of course, there’s an even easier way men can avoid teddies that ride up during the night… and we have a feeling that for most guys, the ‘normal underwear’ option will continue to prove a popular choice!

Still can’t quite picture or believe it yourself? Seeing is believing! Check out the video below:

What Do You Think? Fad? Marketing gimmick? Will they actually sell any? Is it just too bizarre, or is there no such thing as ‘normal’ underwear anyway? To each their own?
Let us know your thoughts, we love to hear your opinion!

Feeling lonely? Durex’s new ‘Fundawear’ redefines the term ‘long-distance relationship’. And probably also ‘reach out and touch someone’.

Long Distance Lovers

So. What’s this so-called Fundawear all about?

Durex has cunningly appropriated technology ordinarily used to make cellphones vibrate, wiring it into underwear in such a way that it can be remotely stimulated, allowing users to transfer their ‘personal touch’ across the web, even via a smartphone app!

The company is excited to soon offer this world first to couples all over the globe, although for the present it is still in the experimental phase. Especially keen couples are however able to sign up to participate in the experimental stages via the company’s Fundawear Facebook page.

Future of Foreplay?

Dubbing it the future of foreplay, Durex predict big things for their new Fundawear line. In theory, this product will allow couples to ‘tease, tickle and tantalise’ one another anywhere, anytime. Separation and long distance relationships as we know it may never be the same again.

See below for videos outlining this innovative new fashion technology:

What Are Your Thoughts? Will this new technology usher in a new age of long term relationships, redefine foreplay? Would you or your partner try it out? Let us know what you think, we love to hear your opinions!

Can a couple’s intimacy offset the negative impact of job stress on male sexual health issues? A new study seems to suggest so.

Strong Relationships Protect Male Virility

New research from the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) suggests a couple’s relationship health can inoculate male sexual health against the negative impact of job-related stress. The landmark study provides some of the most compelling evidence yet for the importance and real significance of relationship health on broad sexual health, especially in men.

Of course, this has long been an established wisdom amongst sexual health therapists and counsellors. Sex is obviously more than pure mechanics, and few things have the capacity to impact on our psychological and emotional states than our relationships, especially our romantic relationships, our significant others.

It’s just that until this point the scientific data to support the wisdom has been scanty.

Link Between Job Stress and Male Sexual Health?

The evidence for the general link between job-related stress and men’s sexual difficulties has been similarly lacking.

The recent research published in the ISSM aimed to remedy both these situations. It was conducted with over 2000 men, from Portugal, Norway and Croatia. Measures were taken of the men’s job difficulties, sexual health difficulties and relationship factors.

The results indicated an association between job stress and male sexual health concerns. Interestingly though, the findings seemed to suggest that negative mood was the common factor behind both job and sexual difficulties, and that emotional support, in particular intimacy with their partner and positive fatherhood experiences, was shown to significantly reduce the risk of sexual health problems due to job stress.

Or in other words, strong, positive romantic and parental relationships are powerful protective factors against external stressors.

What’s your opinion?

Can something as simple as couple intimacy and paternal experiences really intercede against the negative effects of job stress on sexual health? Is the importance of general relationship for men’s health not given enough credence by the medical establishment? Let us know your thoughts, we love to hear your opinion!

You’d better believe it. Men really are hard wired to pleasure their partner sexually, says Sydney sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer.

“I’ve spoken to hundreds of men in my practice, and without exception their number one concern without hesitation is pleasuring their partner.

“Couples need to understand the more pleasure the woman has, the more pleasure her man has. Women should be leading sexually and letting him know in a beautiful seductive way what pleases her.”

Delight – Or Disappointment

So why – let’s face it – would most women acknowledge their sex life disappoints as often as it delights? It all comes down to the way we think about sex in Western societies, where “virtually everything we understand about sex is dysfunctional,” says Hellyer.

The Tantra Fusion workshops Hellyer runs for women (suitably titled Luscious Women) men and couples help participants re-frame sex as a “mindful, connected and present” whole body experience. She’s referred to it the sex most Australians experience as the equivalent of baked beans when they could be having a gourmet meal.

We’ve been captured by the “adolescent male masturbating model of sex,” she says. “We think ‘I’m horny, so stimulate the genitals fairly intensely and climax’. That’s why we’ve got so many women with supposedly low libido. For many Westerners sex is possibly the least intimate thing they do.”

‘Wrong’ Thinking About Sex

Some of the myths that go along with the ‘wrong way’ of thinking about sex include:

• Sex is just for young people
• Sex is all about erections and performance – we’re always going for ‘bigger harder faster’
• Sex is something you’ve got to work yourself up to

Says Hellyer: “From the 1970s onwards with the so-called sexual revolution women were encouraged to act like teenage boys in their sex lives. Now we’ve got a generation of young women who’ve got their sexual ideas from porn – and young men complain to me they are frighteningly aggressive.”

Real Sexual Revolution Needed

The ‘sexual revolution’ we really need is one that sees sex as ‘a normal and healthy part of life’ involving “mindful love making” says Hellyer.

“We want to develop the “Mmmm” factor – slow down, get connected, remember what it is about you that’s special to me. Sex becomes something entirely different, the sensations are very different and you have more of a ‘whole body ecstasy.’

“Purely genital orgasm floods with body with certain hormones which post coitus, can leave you feeling depleted.  Mindful sex produces a constant flow of ecstatic emotions with no post coital low.”

Far from being only for the young, this kind of sex actually improves as you age, says Hellyer, who is a semi-regular commentator of the ABC’s Nightlife with Tony Delroy and makes regular TV appearances.

“In the more spiritual traditions it is believed a man can’t be a really good lover until he hits 50 and his penis becomes less of the focus.”

Five Steps To Good Mindful Sex

Changing your thinking about sex can come down to a few simple and practical steps, suggests Hellyer.  It doesn’t need to involve deep yoga or meditation… but depends on your willingness to give it time and space. Hellyer suggests you should regard it like a gourmet meal – to be savoured.

1. Create space and time for it. Your bedroom is your sanctuary – make it a beautiful place where you can enjoy private time. And don’t fall for the idea that the best sex is spontaneous and ‘just happens.” Especially in an on-going relationship you need to ensure you are not tired and distracted. And turn off the TV – one of the worst sex-killers, says Hellyer.
2. Go to your bedroom. Maybe take a cup of tea. Just sit together. Give yourselves time to feel connected, to remember what you found special in one another. It may feel really unusual – but if that’s all you do at first, that’s fine.
3. Light some candles, put some music on, create a serene calming setting.
4. Don’t jump into genitally focussed sex. Just kiss for a while and see where we go.
5. Embrace, touch each other, tell each other stories.

Want to live a long, happy life? Well you’re not the only one! Believe it or not, a whopping 70% of your lifespan is determined by lifestyle and environment factors. Presenting, nine great health tips that can add up to an extra thirty years of life!

Longevity Tip # 1 – Eat Antioxidants for Five More Years

There’s plenty of great antioxidant sources to please everyone, from healthily natural options like berries, leafy greens, garlic and nuts, to decadent delights like red wine and chocolate. Just be sure to take the last two in moderation!

Longevity Tip # 2 – Don’t Smoke and Get another Five

As if you needed any more reasons, non-smokers on average live an extra five years compared with their smoking counterparts.

As well as being a cause of a range of nasty cancers and heart disease, smoking will additionally stain your teeth yellow, turn your skin to leather, make your voice sound like a rasp and even cause erectile dysfunction. In other words, chances are good you won’t exactly be a hit with the opposite sex.

Longevity Tip # 3 – Forgo Fast Food, Live a Further Four Years

Basically folks, if you hadn’t figured it out already, all that cholesterol, saturated fats, trans fats, hydrogenated vegetable fats, salt, MSG, and general processed food is… bad for you. Surprise, surprise. Cut them from your diet and earn an extra four years for your efforts.

Longevity Tip # 4 – Lose the Gut and Gain Three Years

Not only will you look and feel great, but even moderate weight loss can have a big impact on your health. And being significantly overweight can raise your risk of early death by 20-40%.

Longevity Tip # 5 – Get Married for a Further Three

There’s a horde of research now showing married folks are generally happier and healther. How come? Because there’s typically more taking care of each other, more heart-warming nurturing and affection in marriages compared with other relationships and being single. It’s also possible having another person by your side to motivate you to do the things you need to do helps too.

Longevity Tip # 6 – And Get Moving for Three More

Yes, exercise. Everyone’s favourite past-time.  In all seriousness though, simply jogging for thirty minutes a day, five days a week can add 3-4 years of life. Even just walking for half an hour five days a week can add three years, so no excuses folks.

Longevity Tip # 7 – Omega Boost = Three Years Bonus

Chow down twice a week on wild fish high in Omega 3 fatty acids. Your best options are Salmon, Herring, Mackerel and Sardines. Eating an Omega 3 rich diet not only decreases your risk of Alzheimer’s and other dementias, but also helps cut down on triglyceride levels and inflammation.

Translation: it keeps your heart and head healthy. Which is generally considered a plus.

Longevity Tip # 8 – Regular Sex for Yet another Three Years

As if you needed an excuse! But yes, sex two-three times a week has been shown to decrease your risk of both heart disease and stroke.

It not only burns around two hundred calories per session, but also boosts levels of helpful hormones and decreases levels of unhelpful nasties into the bargain too.

Longevity Tip # 9 – Floss Yourself an Extra Year

Yes, that’s right. Humble flossing can gain you an extra year too. How, exactly?

Well in a nutshell, gum inflammation has been linked with heart disease risk. Keep your gums healthy it seems and you’ll keep your heart healthy too.

Your Thoughts on Lifestyle and Longevity? Well, that’s our list of longevity enhancements, yielding a grand total of thirty years. What are your favourites that we’ve missed? Let us know, we love to hear your opinions.

No one can deny times have changed, in the world of dating and romance. But does that mean sex after your first date is okay now? And aren’t the sort of men who go in for that the sort of men you’d probably want to avoid? Well, maybe you don’t need to be told. But just in case you’re not aware:

Getting Lucky on the First Date

As it happens, men who prefer to go for that short-term fix, sex on the first date, tend to have the following highly desirable traits:

• Lower than average intelligence
• Higher than average arrogance
• Higher than average levels of mental stress

Sounds like a winner? Yeah, that’s what we thought—a real catch. But basically, it turns out that men who have this unfortunate trifecta of negative traits are predisposed towards short-term fixes, rather than longer-term reward. And it seems this is just as true with romance and relationships as it is with anything else.

Why ‘Getting Lucky’ Isn’t Really That Lucky

It’s undeniable, there can be an element of ego-gratification there—the thought that your date just can’t resist your charms, just cannot wait any longer to ‘have you’. But let’s be real: men like sex. And many men just aren’t that picky, are often more than happy to lower their usual standards if they think some easy sex may be on the cards.

In other words, despite how it may feel in the heat of the moment, getting first date sex really isn’t that tricky, isn’t really anywhere near as significant as it may seem. And there’s good science to back this up.

One Night Stand Research

Research from the University of Texas shows that a whopping one in five men have sex on a first date. It’s just a standard thing for them. And again, this is the less intelligent, arrogant, stressed men we’re talking about. Real prize specimens.

Further, a study from the University of California shows that the more sexual partners a man has, and the sooner into the ‘relationship’ (if you can call it that!), the more likely he is to perceive his partners as suddenly seeming unattractive, post-sex. Even worse, new research currently in the works at Brigham Young University seems to be indicating that men who obtain quick sex from multiple partners are far more likely to be unfaithful if/when they do become involved in long term relationships. Surprise surprise.

The ‘Audition’ Myth

All of which seems to contradict the oft-upheld idea that men must audition a woman to be sure of good sexual chemistry before deciding to commit (no prizes for guessing who’s spreading this one around!)

Dr Dean Busby of Brigham Young University is openly critical of the audition myth, and says he has the data to disprove it. He says in his studies of couples he has found no data linking sexual chemistry with relationship longevity.

He maintains that the mechanics of good sex aren’t particularly difficult and are easily within the reach of most couples. Instead, he argues, it’s the emotions and vulnerability, the meaning of sex and whether it strengthens a relationship that’s the complicated part, and it’s these factors that have more to do with relationship longevity.

What Do You Think? Is sex on the first date really worth it in the end? Are the 20% of men who regularly get lucky really that lucky? Let us know what you think, we love to hear your opinions.

Youngsters may shudder at the thought of their grandparents having sex, but new surveys show so-called ‘senior sex’ is more common than ever, with more and more folks embracing an aging love life.

Getting Older Doesn’t Mean No More Sex

And it’s not just the Hugh Hefners of the world doing it either; both married and single seniors, those living independently and those in homes are all rediscovering the health benefits and fun of an active sex life.

So strong is the movement that a new sexual health measure—called a SALE or Sexually Active Life Expectancy—which indicates the number of years a man or woman can expect to remain sexually active past age fifty. Many factors affect an individual’s SALE, but generally speaking, at age fifty-five women on average can expect at least another ten years of sexual activity, and men at least fifteen.

Of course it’s important to remember that these are averages. Another way of looking at it is that 50% of all men will remain sexually active past the age of seventy. Indeed, a report in last summer’s British Medical Journal noted that as a group 80% of all men and women aged fifty to ninety are sexually active.

And Australian research shows plenty of Aussie blokes are still “doing it at 70.”

Sex Good for Happiness

Recent data from the General Social Survey shows increased sexual activity was a very strong predictor of general happiness and life satisfaction. The results also indicated that those aged over sixty five were no exception to this rule. This comes amidst a slew of recent research uncovering just how good sex really is for life expectancy.

And there can be no doubt now that word is really getting out!

What’s Your Opinion? How important is sex, even in later life? Is it really such a boon to our general health and happiness? Let us know your thoughts!

Looking for an easy way to enjoy better health and live longer? Simply share your bed, suggests new research in this growing field.

Extra Feet Means Better Sleep?

It seems romantic couples may indeed reap major health benefits simply from sleeping together in the same bed. Indeed, scientists contend that nocturnal bed-sharing may explain why people in close romantic relationships generally enjoy better health and live longer.

These new findings are a stark contradiction of older studies that seemed to indicate women did not sleep as well with a partner, that couples sleeping together were generally more unsettled, or that conflicts over sheet-stealing and bedroom temperature made sleeping together more hassle than it was worth.

Good sleep is critically important to health, especially cardiovascular and psychological health. Lead researcher Professor Wendy Troxel, of University of Pittsburgh , found women in stable long-term romantic relationships tended to fall asleep more easily and quickly,  and woke less during the night than single women or women who had recently lost or gained a partner during the study’s duration.

Lie Your Way to Better Health

Lie in bed with your partner, (not to be confused of course with deliberately misleading your partner in bed!).

And although the science behind these findings is still in its infancy, initial results seem to support the idea that shared sleeping habits promote feelings of security, safety and intimacy, thus reducing levels of stress hormone cortisol. It’s also thought that sharing a bed may boost levels of oxytocin—often referred to as the love hormone or moral molecule—which as well as promoting relationship connection and intimacy is also known to decrease stress and anxiety generally. Even more curiously, oxytocin is produced in the same region of the brain responsible for regulating sleep/wake cycles.

It seems that the benefits of sharing a bed with the one you love might outweigh the drawbacks by some degree.

What Are Your Thoughts? Is sleeping with someone better or worse for your sleep? And better or worse for your relationship?