I would rather eat chocolate!!
You’re married or in a long term relationship, enjoying mutually satisfying intimate relations. When you and your partner are together do you “make love” or are you “having sex”? Do you care what you call it?
Author Joan Sewell does. In her witty personal memoir I’d Rather Eat Chocolate (Broadway Books New York) in which she devotes 200 pages to justifying her low libido, she reckons “making love” is a term used to pressure women to have “unwanted sex” with their husbands. It’s a term used to “convince women that what they are doing each and every time they have sex is a loving thing for him…
‘Good Book’ Better Than Sex
What “started out as a polite euphemism for having sex” is now taken literally, she says. “And I am not convinced that sex is primarily, or even usually, an expression of love.”
Joan claims a lot of women experience the same disinterest she does in having sex. “If I had a choice between reading a good book and having sex, the book wins. My boyfriend – the man I would eventually marry – would take even bad sex over a good book.”
As for “making love” – well she says the term “went out of style in the 60s and 70s when how-to-sex books favoured a more straightforward rendering of sexuality.”
Guilt Trip for Low Libido Women
Now she says the “pro-family traditionalists have sided with the skin peddlers and feminists hoping to tug my sexuality in a more lustful direction to sell their products, save my marriage or make their point.
“The sexperts would have us assume that after men get into a committed relationship, sex undergoes a magical transformation in men’s minds, from a drive that causes them to pant after women in bars and nightclubs looking to get laid, into a beautiful expression of emotional regard.
“But if men did think of sex as love, we wouldn’t have to worry about men getting bored sexually in marriage. Can a man get tired of expressing love for his dear wife?”
Noone could accuse Joan of not being willing to try hard at being sexy for Kip, her patient spouse.
What Joan and Her Husband Tried That Didn’t Work
- Sex therapy.
- Giving sex as a gift.
- Thinking of sex as a spiritual act.
- Thinking naughty thoughts.
- Simulating lust.
- Having quickies.
- Wearing sexy lingerie.
- Being spontaneous.
- Faking it.
- Trying for better orgasms.
- Having a platonic relationship.
- The results? “We went from sex once a week, to once every two weeks, to less than once a month and less . . .
What Finally Worked for Joan and Her Husband
- Giving her total control over their sex life.
- Not worrying about orgasms.
- Agreeing to stop when she wanted.
- Scheduled regular date nights.
- Honest communication about their sexual desires.
- Joan: “Having a positive attitude toward sex was key to my success… I mean that when sex was no longer a chore, I could approach it positively, without dread. . . It was very freeing and very fun.”
Herbs for Low Libido
Tribulus terrestris supports sex drive, ovulation and sexual reproduction functions through supporting healthy levels of Follicle Stimulating Hormone.
In recent studies, a daily dose of Horny Goat Weed helped by supporting blood circulation to the sex organs
• Women benefit from the increased blood flow to sexual organs – assisting orgasm.
• Epimedium also seems to heighten the sensitivity of nerve endings in the skin, which would also indirectly reinforce sexual stimulation.
Modern studies at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality have shown that avena sativa aids sexual arousal.
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