Are You Adored, Or Adoring?
It’s highly likely they are used to being Adored – and unless you are an Adorer – someone whose primary function is to lavish attention on your partner – then the pleasure of his or her company will soon turn to exasperation at their self centredness.
That’s the tantalising view of British writer Shane Watson, author of How To Meet A Man After For Forty And Other Midlife Dilemmas Solved.
She reckons every successful relationship has an Adored (think Nigella) and Adorer (husband Charles Saatchi), or a Jamie Oliver (Adorer) and a Jules (Adored wife of Jamie).
Needy and Neglected
Get two Adoreds in a relationship and you have two needy, unhappy people who both feel neglected, says Shane.
Princess Diana? An Adored who married another Adored, in HRH Prince Charles. Wife No 2 Camilla Parker Bowles is a classic Adorer, who is only too happy to undertake the gargantuan levels of ego massaging and cajoling required (allegedly) to keep her husband on an even keel. Hence the happy ending.
Rules of Engagement
Sounds simple, but sorting out your status as an Adorer can get complicated, especially for women, suggests Shane Watson.
That’s because women can mistake low self esteem and a blossoming maternal instinct for a natural Adorer’s personality.
It’s the reason smart, funny, independent girls fall for narcissistic, selfish boys, or for tortured married men (and Adoreds are adept at spotting females who are looking for someone to love, and prepared to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong).
Adoring Artists & Toy Boys
ALL women who are married to writers, actors and artists are Adorers, but they tell themselves that they are subordinating their own needs for the sake of a higher purpose.
Whenever you read a news story about a fifty-something housewife who has gone AWOL with a nineteen-year-old beach bum and is planning to uproot her life, sell her house and give him all her savings, you assume that’s lust.
But, more often, it’s the desperate act of a woman who has never been adored and thinks she may have one last chance to experience the feeling. The impulse to be adored is even stronger than sex.
From How To Meet A Man After For Forty And Other Midlife Dilemmas Solved by Shane Watson, published by Penguin, available from Amazon.