Keeping Married Sex Exciting
Want Exciting Sex? Get Talking!
Most couples who’ve been married more than a decade would honestly admit sometimes it’s hard keeping the spark alive in the bedroom. Normal life and busy schedules tend to swamp the best intentions, and sex can become a quick obligatory exchange before exhausted sleep.
So when women in those tiring relationships confess they are loathe to hug or touch their husbands because they know the first thing he will think of is sex, and “she feels too tired to get into all that,” you know they are not going to take kindly to the suggestion they start talking about their sex life with their husband daily.
But that’s just the “medicine” relationship counsellor Mary Jo Rapini prescribes for marriages in sexual difficulties – getting couples to talk about their sex life for ten minutes, four times a week.
Married Sex Best Sex
In an article for Your Tango she says the sex talk “proves excruciatingly painful for them, especially the women.
“Couples can go on date night and talk about their kids all night, but if one of them interjects, “Oh wait, we have to talk about our sex life now,” you would most likely hear silence at best, and a groan at worst.”
There’s method in her madness though. Married sex can be the best sex, says Mary Jo, who has a busy consulting practice as well as being a contributing expert on sex and relationships for TV, radio and magazines like Redbook, Cosmopolitan, People and Seventeen. Here’s what she suggests.
Five Tips for Better Intimacy
The talking is essential however hard it might be to get started, because understanding one another‘s needs and communicating better is the accelerant that gets the fires of attraction going, says Mary Jo.
Tip 1 for Better Married Sex
Communication is not an optional extra.
“If you are going to build a healthier marriage, you must build healthier communication.
“If you are going to build healthier communication as a married couple, you must be able to talk about your sexual feelings with your spouse.
“If you are going to talk about your feelings toward sex, you have to become aware of your sexual/sensual self as a person.”
Tip 2 for Better Married Sex
True intimacy is sexy.
What keeps sex hot is the security of a committed relationship, says Mary Jo.
- A healthy marriage helps each person grow and evolve.
- A healthy marriage supports both people’s ability to become the people they want to become.
Great sex is highly correlated with understanding your partner. For women, the more secure and comfortable they are with their partner, the more unconventional and open to new things they will be – and the more exciting that is for their husband.
Tip 3 for Better Married Sex
Sex is critical to a healthy marriage.
Many women’s views about their sexuality are directly related to how society affords brownie points for being a good mother, but ignores the achievement of being a wonderful intimate partner for her husband. Women need to get an understanding that their emotional health is closely tied to their sexual health. And sex is critical to the health of their marriage.
Tip 4 for Better Married Sex
Men and women see sex and stress very differently.
For men, sex is a stress reliever. For women, it is a stress creator, says Mary Jo. For the sex to work each has to understand these opposing experiences.
“Women don’t see sex as a stress reliever. It becomes one more item on the numerous jobs list – “pleasing my husband” – a stressor and a chore” says Mary Jo.
The wife needs to gain understanding that for her husband, it’s a stress reliever – but he also needs to be understanding by trying to share some of those tasks, to help alleviate rather than add to her stress.
Tip 5 for Better Married Sex
Women feel less stress when emotionally connected and men feel less stress when physically connected.
A message for the men: Guys, talking and listening to your lady decreases her stress. Sex happens when women are not stressed.
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