A woman with low libido and a very busy life may regard sex as just another chore. But there are plenty of good reasons for enjoying a healthy sex life.

• Being sexually active is great for your health – it reduces blood pressure, boosts immunity, keep pelvic floor muscles in good condition, helps you feel relaxed, is good for heart and lungs, increases estrogen levels improving skin and genital health, and may even extend your life by triggering important hormones.
• Sex creates intimacy and emotional closeness, and provides skin on skin contact (a basic human need)
• Sex affirms your desirability and increases well being
• Sex pleases your partner and creates good will in the relationship
• Sex releases stress and tension
• Sex expresses love and affection
• Sex gives and receives pleasure

Just remember some important facts surrounding women’s sexuality:

• Women in long term relationships with low desire are tempted to give up sex altogether, however regular sex has many benefits for both partners in improving health and well being and increasing overall happiness.

• Refusal to have sex in a long term relationship is a “breach of contract” and likely to lead to the breakdown of the partnership.

• There is a big difference between desire and arousal. Desire (or libido) refers to your interest in sex, while arousal refers to your body’s physical response, such as vaginal lubrication or the ability to have an erection.

• Sex can be enjoyable for women even if she does not feel desire. Provided a woman is fully willing and there is good will in the relationship, sex can be enjoyable even when she doesn’t feel desire.

• Goodwill in a relationship is built up by both partners being willing to contribute to enjoyable sex for one another.  That means the man being willing to make changes to keep his partner satisfied – whether that is in terms of the wider relationship (working less hours, taking more relaxation together) or in sexual technique (listening to what turns his partner on.)

• To overcome desire discrepancy, it’s not up to women to make all the concessions and do all the changing. A man can do a great deal to increase her inclination to have sex by working to enrich the relationship, maximise her pleasure during sex and actively participating in sexual negotiation.

Says Sydney sex therapist Dr Rosie King (author of Where Did My Libido Go?) the simplest advice for men wanting to re-start the sexual fire is “don’t try and make her want sex; make her want you.” That speaks volumes about companionship and intimacy.

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About the author

Jenny W
First career as newspaper and magazine journalist with daily newspapers and magazines, then as an editor who successfully launched a new national Sunday newspaper and NZ House & Garden magazine. First woman editor of NZ Listener. Enjoying a second career as a business owner and entrepreneur, health products marketer, social media habitué, blogger and web marketer. Still learning and loving it.