A recent study of 8600 adults aged 16-64 found over half of participants were dissatisfied with how often they had sex.
Surprise? Perhaps it shouldn’t be. According to sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer, when it comes to sex most of us are having the equivalent of “baked beans on toast.”
What more could you ask for
Hellyer uses a fastfood metaphor to get her point across:
If we’re hungry and we want something cheap that gets the job done as quickly as possible, we turn to fastfood, burgers, pizza.
If you we want beautiful gourmet food though, we first need a carefully stocked kitchen, the right ingredients, a good cookbook, atmosphere. Not to mention the time and patience to do it well.
And according to Hellyer it’s exactly the same with sex. The idea of easy, instant spontaneous sex is largely to blame for the state of many of our sex lives.
Also responsible though are the common sex myths: that “men want sex more than women”; “worsening sex lives is a normal part of ageing”; “good girls shouldn’t like good sex”.
Women, she says, are definitely ‘into sex’. Just in a different way to men. While men can have more of a burning physical urge, for women it’s about the mind as well, about building up sensuality and desire.
Hot Tips for More Gourmet Sex
1. Hit the Sack Earlier on. And when you do it doesn’t have to instantly be about sex, so much as sensuality, setting the atmoshphere.
2. A Beautiful Boudoir. The bedroom should be a romantic sanctuary, somewhere the world and all its cares can be left behind.
3. Pencil It In. These days, scheduling sex shouldn’t be seen as unromantic. Often it’s a basic necessity.
4. Treat Your Partner Like Your Lover. Regain the excitement of the early years by acting like you were there again: resist the urge to pick your nose or scratch your balls, burn those saggy singlets and sweatpants if need be.
5. Companionship Time. Treat your partner as a friend too; make café dates, catch a late night comedy show, go for a walk, share a bottle of wine. Talk.
It’s not as scary as it seems. Honest.
6. Be Prepared to Make an Effort. Understand that even in the early days, your sex life was never truly ‘spontaneous’; you planned dates, shaved, wore nice underwear. Deliberate effort and planning isn’t unsexy – anticipation and imagination is half the fun.
7. And Lastly – Be Nice! As radical as it may seem… treat each other as nicely as you did in the beginning, and you may soon be pleasantly surprised…
What do you think? Are we guilty of treating our sex lives too often as baked beans on toast or a cheeseburger, and too rarely as Duck A L’Orange?