Monogamy is a ‘sexual prison’ set up as a social control which does not work in men’s best interests, according to an American sociologist who says cheating “serves men pretty well” – they usually get to have exciting sex as well as keep the dame.

Eric Anderson, author of the provocative new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (Oxford University Press, $49.99) says most of the men who cheat, love their partner but just want sex with other women – and society should be more understanding of their needs.

On the basis of 120 interviews with college age men, Anderson rediscovers “Open Marriage” – men free to have hot sex with anyone they want, while maintaining a “love relationship” with the little woman at home.

Hot Sex V Long Love

It’s the ideal for men because it “gives us the long-term emotional stability we desire psychologically, alongside the hot, carnal sex we desire somatically. It makes much more sense than lying and cheating, or the difficulty of breaking up with a loved one simply because you want someone else’s body for an hour.”

And while the men in the study thought sex on the side was OK for them but not for their girlfriends, Anderson is more cagey on whether women should be equally free to roam. Monogamy serves no one, he says, and women also cheat and lie about it.

Open and Equitable

“We falsely believe that when the sex dies, the relationship has also died,” he told the Huffington Post. “The reality is the opposite; when the sex dies the relationship has just begun.

“People in open relationships structure their engagements as to reduce emotional intimacy. Once they have had sex with that person they fancied, they tend to get over them.”

“One of the reasons I wrote the book is that I’ve seen so many long-term relationships broken up simply because one had sex outside the relationship. But feeling victimized isn’t a natural outcome of casual sex outside a relationship; it is a socialized victimhood. I’m not advocating cheating; I’m advocating open and equitable sexual relationships.”

What Do You Think?

So what do you think? Is Eric Anderson’s approach one that would work for you?  Do you think it’s reasonable? And if it’s good enough for men, is it also fine for women? How would you handle it if you discovered your partner was cheating on you? We’d love to hear your views.

image taken from: surviveinfidelityhq.com

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About the author

Jenny W