Pity the wives whose husbands are living seriously twisted double lives they claim to know nothing about.  We’ve had two dramatic examples Down Under in recent months with the banker who stole millions and spent a good chunk of it on prostitutes, and the businessman who ended up very dead after a “swinger” scene went bad.

In both cases, their wives were said to be gobsmacked and had no idea of their husbands’ underground life.

The stuff of nightmares, and you might comfort yourself by thinking the wives were wilfully blind to the signs.

But what if you consider yourself in a strong relationship and come home and discover a suggestive email on your partner’s computer or phone? It’s not that unusual.

Two-Timing Common

A recent survey reported in The Times revealed that one in ten Britons would have an affair if they could get away with it. Of the 3,000 couples surveyed for Onepoll, 12 per cent claimed to have cheated on their spouse and a third admitted sleeping with someone else when in a previous relationship.

So if deceiving your partner is as commonplace as the statistics lead us to believe, how do know if it’s happening to us?

Tell Tale Signs of Cheating

Charlotte Ward interviewed cheated-on women for her book It’s Not Me It’s You and came up with a tell tale signs you are being two-timed.

1. Is there such a thing as “Harmless” Flirting?

You’ve seen it with the friend dating the “Sex Pet’ who looks into women’s eyes just a few seconds longer than necessary. Red-blooded males will always have a sneaky peek at the opposite sex but if your chap is leering at every woman he sees then best be on your guard.

2. He can’t go anywhere without his phone

If he never lets his phone out of his sight or keeps it on silent, quickly clicks on to a different webpage when you approach or hurries off for mumbled phone calls then you have to ask if he has something to hide.

3. He’s had a man makeover

Working out, paying attention to his hair and making sure he smells good by covering himself top to toe in aftershave. Are all tell-tale signs something is up Even if he starts being especially nice suddenly, ask yourself why.

4. He’s acting shady

Most people are bad liars. Classic signs include covering his mouth when he’s speaking, rubbing or scratching his nose, as well as an inability to look you in the eye.

5. He’s constantly AWOL

If he’s suddenly got into the habit of not answering the phone or being vague about where he’s been then you’re entitled to think it’s a little iffy.

6. He’s suddenly very keen on housework

Why has he helpfully changed the bed linen midweek? And what prompted him to stick his shirt in the washing machine rather than discard it on the floor?  Have his hygiene standards really changed overnight or do you smell a rat?

7. He’s all over you

Guilt can do strange things to a man and may even prompt him to become extremely over-attentive. Is there a reason he suddenly is buying you flowers?

8. He’s keeping you at arm’s length

While some cheating chaps will kill their unwitting partners with kindness, others will become very distant and standoffish. If you’ve become a source of irritation, it may be because you’re not her.

9. He’s making other people feel awkward

Cheaters sometimes feel the need to purge their sins by sharing their dirty little secret with their nearest and dearest. But friends and family may feel very uncomfortable being unwilling  confidantes, and you’ll pick up on their dis-ease.

10. Sometimes there are no signs

Occasionally you meet a real master of deception, a pathological liar who hoodwinks everyone, but by the same token there are plenty of men (and women) who wouldn’t dream of cheating. If there are no signs he’s cheating then he probably wouldn’t dream of it.

• Editorial from It’s Not Me It’s You by Charlotte Ward. To find out more visit www.charlotteward.net

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About the author

Jenny W
First career as newspaper and magazine journalist with daily newspapers and magazines, then as an editor who successfully launched a new national Sunday newspaper and NZ House & Garden magazine. First woman editor of NZ Listener. Enjoying a second career as a business owner and entrepreneur, health products marketer, social media habitué, blogger and web marketer. Still learning and loving it.