Many Australian men “love their partners but are permanently sexually frustrated”, believing their wives use sex to leverage power.
That’s the conclusion drawn by Sydney adman Nigel Marsh, based on hundreds of letters he received – 700 in all – in response to his best-selling tell-all take on mid-life manhood, Fat, Forty and Fired, (Piatkus Books).
The men who wrote to Nigel told him their wives never initiate sex. Instead, as one said, they ‘dispense’ sex. They appear to be to want to get away with as little sex as they possibly can, the husbands believed.
“Halley’s Comet comes round more often than the circumstances being right,” says one husband quoted in Marsh’s latest book, Overworked & Underlaid, a seriously funny Guide to Life. (Allen and Unwin).
Wives ‘Don’t Care Enough’
The men believed their wives know their husbands aren’t satisfied with boring, grudgingly dispensed sex once every three weeks, but they’d rather not talk about it, says Marsh.
“They know these men aren’t going to be unfaithful, so actually there is no real pressing need to do anything about it. They can just live in a permanent state of dissatisfaction…
In summary, these men believe their wives simply don’t care enough.
Simple Solution – Bonk More
People are at a loss what to do, suggests Nigel Marsh, who is now Group CEO for Y&R Brands ANZ, but he’s come up with a radical suggestion “based on hundred of interviews. It’s something I’ve never seen fail. And it’s free.
“It’s also simple to implement.
“Bonk him more.
“That’s it. Bonk him more.
“Plan for there to be just a few extra ‘special cuddles’ in your life.
“No, don’t try to arrange circumstances so you’ll want it more often – you won’t.
“Equally, don’t try and arrange circumstances so he’ll want it less – he won’t. Just make the decision to bonk him more. Regularly.
Sex Once a Week
“I’m talking about, let’s say, having sex once a week. We seem to live in a society where it’s an unspeakable thought to suggest that a woman have sex with her partner when she doesn’t want to.
“Doesn’t being part of a loving couple mean prioritising your partner’s sexual satisfaction?
“I’ve talked to many women who’ve tried the ‘have more sex’ approach. Without exception, they’ve told me their relationship improved out of sight. They didn’t feel like prostitutes or doormats either. They just felt happier in themselves and happier as a couple.
“It didn’t mean the other issues of their relationship went away – what it did mean was that those issues were discussed and dealt without sex being a complicating factor.
The ‘Sex After Kids’ Thing
It’s as if there are four levels to this whole ‘sex after kids’ thing, suggests Marsh, who was also one of the founders of the global initiative Earth Hour.
“The first level is to simply stop having it. This is not as uncommon as you might think.
“The second is to have it irregularly in a way that makes both partie4s feel bitter, resentful and miserable. Again, this level includes a tragically vast number.
“The third level is for the woman to lovingly accommodate her man’s needs. – An improvement but still not the ultimate answer.
“The fourth is for a couple to engage in intimacy that provides physical and emotional satisfaction for both of them. That doesn’t mean shared orgasms every night. It means getting to the stage where is someone said to a couple they could not longer have sex with each other, they would both miss it.
Getting to level four takes work that might involve disappointments, frustrations and setbacks. But promises Nigel Marsh, it will provide “a sensationally, positively, absolutely gobsmackingly wonderful return on a minimal investment.”
Enhancing Sex for Men and Women
If you’re feeling more dead than alive on the sexual front, don’t put off facing up to the premature demise of your love life. Help is available in a range of therapeutic treatments, from pharmaceuticals like Viagra and Cialis to natural herbal supplements like Herbal Ignite (www.herbalignite.com) which boost both performance and libido. Herbal Ignite helps with male sexual performance and improves women’s libido, so it’s a two-for-one deal.